The KindExcellence Blog

Do you let others control you?

During my HR director days I used to describe one of my assistants as a volcano: she’d take on tasks and emotional discomfort gradually until every now and again it reached a critical mass and she would “erupt.” The key to getting her to better manage her time and to balance her “volcanic activity” was to get her to be in control of her day, to be deliberate about her choices and actions (she often didn’t get to make decisions but she knew what she thought about them and hence could actively discuss whatever it was she needed there and then instead of holding it all in).

1. Do you find team members who are aware of what they think and feel about tasks and interactions to be more effective or less effective than those who just do?

2. Which benefits being aware/not being aware have for the manager of that employee?

Looking forward to your thoughts, as always

Reut

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1. Which rules have you made for yourself that you have decided to defy?

2. When you choose to defy your own rules do you think it is effective for what your overall “goal” is?

3. Do you find managers/team members are better at management/being a team member when they always stay loyal to their own rules or when they break their own rules from time to time?

(quote taken from Gery’s Anatomy).

Looking forward to your insights,

Reut

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…what you don’t know and what you assume you know

When I do things with my husband, when I talk to my kids or when I discuss things with a business partner that knows me well I am typically making a lot of assumptions…effective assumptions that speed our communication. It’s sometimes enough to say one word for these people who know me well to get exactly what I mean.

Sometimes, I extend that “assumption” mode to people who don’t know me as well and the thing that was so effective in one place becomes a problem when borrowed to a different context.

When that happens (with the tools we have now it hardly ever happens anymore but when it does it reminds me!) I’m not aware of making an assumption in the first place.

1.  What was your most recent “borrowed from a different context” assumption and what were the outcomes?

2. Have you met a manager that manages assumptions? What does his/her interaction with his/her team look like?

Looking forward to your insights,

Reut

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I can remember myself being a completely different person. I was constantly doing (now I spend most of my time being present), I used to judge things without exploring them fully, my moods controlled me far more frequently than I controlled them and so on. I don’t believe it’s life alone that changes us, we change.

1. If you’ve ever been someone else what was it about you that helped you change?

2. Do you think that once one changes they can change more deliberately? If so why and if not why is it that the first change didn’t contribute to their ability to change deliberately?

Awaiting your insights as always,

Reut

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Shadow Race

Every time I’ve raced my shadow

When the sun was at my back,

It always ran ahead of me.

But every time I’ve raced my shadow

When my face was toward the sun,

I won.

Shel Silverstein/ A Light in the Attic

If we think of this guy’s shadow as emotions,when the sun is in his back the emotions lead the way, they are dictating how he acts…his choices are not his, they are made for him by his shadow. When he leads his emotions, on the other hand (when his face is towards the sun) he wins.

My interpretation of course and like all poems there are probably a million ways to look at it.

1. What in every day life constitutes as walking with the sun in your back and what as walking with our face towards the sun?

2. How, if at all, have you seen managers helping employees identify their shadow as separate from themselves and how, if at all have you seen managers guide employees to walk with their face towards the sun?

Looking forward to your insights,

Reut

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The first year we went trick-or-treating was in Berkeley, California in 2003. My husband was a doctorate student at the time so we lived at the UC village housing–lots of families and lots of kids dressed up, which attracted even more Trick-or-Treaters from around town.

It was our first time trick-or-treating and by the time we were out the main street houses were out of business (they had a sign on the door saying: “sorry out of candy”) while the ones on the peripheral areas were giving out as many candy as the kids would take ’cause very few got that far. Partly because it was all new to us and also because we enjoy playing around with preconceived definitions we thought it would be nice to take the candy we got from the “rich” and redistribute it to the ones who had run out.

People on the main streets were initially surprised by our knock on their doors but their surprise was replaced with a smile when we offered them some candy instead. It became first about the giving and the game of celebrating the holiday and only secondarily about the technical aspects. Soon a few other families joined in on the reverse giving. By taking candy from those that still had it and giving it to those homes that had run out of candy everyone could continue to give it out, at least until it was all eventually gone.

1. Do you find it is sometimes a better choice to change the “technical” aspects of a transaction in business to sustain something you find more important?
2. Do you find people around you often go from surprised to rejection or from surprise to acceptance when you do that?
3. How do you decide when to change the rules and when to follow tradition?

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…”Who are you?” said the Caterpillar…

“I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have changed several times since then…being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.”

“It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar.

“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” said Alice; “but when you have to turn into a chrysalis– you will some day, you know– and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t you?”

“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar.

“Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” said Alice: “all I know is, it would feel very queer to me.”

“You!” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. “Who are you?”

I’m sure I’m not the only one to see new things every time I read Carroll’s stories.

It’s funny how change and identity dance together, isn’t it? It seems we need to have a solid enough something in order to change it and I don’t mean it in a philosophical sense…it often seems to me that the more self esteem people have around who they are the easier it is for them to handle learning, changing and excelling.

1. In the teams you know do managers invest time in building their team members to feel they know who they are before they try to help them excel?

2. Have you met Caterpillars (ones that go through change with great ease)?

3. What makes it easier for Caterpillars (the employees and managers Caterpillars) to go through change?

Looking forward to your insights,

 Reut

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Late yesterday a lady wearing pink shoes, carrying a pink bag, listening to music through a pink Ipod walked pass where I stood. “It would not surprise me if she is a color fan looking to own everything in a particular shade of pink” I thought. Since all of her accessories are pink this lady has no flexibility in matching her accessories to her clothing or purpose. Pink has become an automated dictating habit.

We define ourselves and then operate automatically in accordance with that definition sometimes. People define themselves as giving people and so their choice to give becomes automatic even when they need to avoid giving to achieve the results needed. Other people define themselves as knowledgeable, punctual, responsible (or all the less attractive version of these) and then go into auto pilot.

 1. Can you describe a behavior of someone you know that is an auto pilot behavior he or she would have been better off considering per situation?

2. Which skill or set of skills do you think dictate our ability to move from automatic to effective?

Looking forward to your insights,

 Reut

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The unbelievable performance in today’s US Open match between Serena Williams and the amazing Kim Clijsters (who was robbed of the glory of her excellent performance after just returning to tennis) was one that’ll probably follow Williams always.

I understand people loosing control and saying horrible things when they are angry. It’s not okay, it needs to be addressed but I can understand it. What I can’t understand is Serena’s denial responses during the press conference that followed the game. She took absolutely no responsibility for her actions even when she was calmer and had the opportunity to gather her thoughts.

Lack of accountability and responsibility are deal killers when it comes to employees.

1. Can you outline some of the prices of lack of accountability in business from things you’ve seen? 

2. Do you believe people can learn to be more accountable (i.e. take responsibility for their poor actions once they’ve calmed down a bit and work towards improving in the future)? if so what about them should change(which basic assumptions) so that their behavior changes?

Curious to hear your thoughts,

 Reut

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A few days ago I had to disappoint a colleague of mine, he was disappointed (naturally) but his disappointment quickly turned into anger: cold, self centered anger with a heavy undercurrent of vindictive and hurtful.

What I found interesting was my response (who wants to be perfect anyway, right?). First, since this wasn’t the first time he had responded this way I’m sure I anticipated his response and presented my delivery in an appologetic tone (predicting he will get angry I guess I tried to soften things). Then, when his response appeared I felt guilty somehow for making him angry.

It didn’t last long on my end (I quickly realized I had to disappoint him and that while his disappointment was justified his anger wasn’t) but while it lasted I could recognize the same mechanism I see with many of my clients.

1. I believe my ability to combine kindness (giving, caring) with excellence (results and reality) was tested here as a result of some sort of fear. Would you agree? If so which other fears do you see damaging the ability to combine kindness and excellence in managers and employees around you?

2. My way of exiting this ineffective interaction and returning to a forward leading conversation with my colleague was to detach myself from the emotions he was projecting and assessing what I can give and where my boundaries are (giving as much as I can up until my boundaries regardless of his response). How do you cope with these types of situations?

Thanks and until soon,

Reut

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